Nobel Prize Candidate Ties The Knot

Research on world hunger, pestilence and disease apparently has no draw for the beautiful mind of Australian mathematician Burkard Polster, of Monash University.

Nope, Polster has unraveled a knotty problem of Gordian proportions. And this is his finding: When lacing shoes, neither the crisscross, nor straight-lace technique is the most efficient method. Strongest, yes. But wasteful in terms of lace material.

Nope, the most efficient method is ... TA DA ... "the bow-tie technique, in which the laces go across from one eyelet to another, down to the next one and then crisscross in a repeating pattern, uses all of the shoe’s eyelets but the least amount of lace."

Ed. has learned that in light of Polster's revelation, the Nobel Committee on Mathematics has thrown out all previous candidates for its famed prize.

To this remarkable discovery, Ed. responds: "Ya know, Burk, you should get some loafers and get out more. Meet a nice lady...go to the movies...take a walk in the park or something."