Ancient Bacteria Discovered!

Ed. notes that scientists have discovered thriving 2,800 year-old bacteria in the Antarctic.

Ed. says this is why he doesn't clean his refrigerator or defrost the freezer.

Is That A Spaceship In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Glad To Meet The New Inmate?

A suburban Chicago man who claimed that an "alien enzyme" in his body caused him to murder a stranger, told the judge in the case to "bite me" when asked to remain quiet in court.

David Teran, 39, who is white, admits he killed Roderick Floyd, 41, an African-American truck driver. But Teran told his ex-wife that he had a compelling reason: killing someone would release the alien enzyme so he could board a spaceship and take his three children off Earth before the planet was destroyed.

Apparently only racist aliens speak to Teran, which must be the reason he used such vile language to describe his victim.

Anyway, from this point on the aliens and their ship won't have any trouble locating Teran. He was sentenced to 45 years in a prison cell for slaying Floyd.

Mama Mia! No Monica!

After having struck out in her bid to become a White House staffer, and blowing her shot at replacing Hillary Clinton as Bill's main squeeze, poor little Monica Lewinsky has now been frustrated in her attempt to become the Oprah of Italian TV, AP tells the Chicago Sun-Times.

Apparently, Italy's state-run TV station, RAI, has bounced Lewinsky from "Domenica In," a Sunday Afternoon chat show, saying it was decided that she would be too spicy for the family variety program.

Perhaps it wasn't the Clinton scandal that did Monica in this time, however. The show's standard format calls for a glamorous woman in the role of host. That pretty much excludes White House snake charmer Lewinsky, whose sole claim to fame thus far comes from her experience as a Presidential cigar holder.

But what's a girl to do to make a living when she has only one discernable talent, such as it is?

Ed. hears the role of "fluff girl" pays good money.